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Hey there! I just changed my blogskin :) It's a little user-unfriendly because you can't navigate my past posts by headings or hashtags. So i'm gonna update the codings, stay tuned! (The font's kinda hard to read too..other than these 3 peeves, i'm quite satisfied) Follow me on the links below! :) 29/4/2015.

Started this blog during the last few weeks of SEM1(AY2014/15) cos' i regained interest in blogging. I blog about anything - news, social issues, music - but mostly about my university life :) Hope my posts will help you to make better life (and module) choices! Currently a Sociology Major. Still fresh. xD

: Amelia Lim, 20 October.
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Haha okay, haven't blogged in a long time cos i was extremely busy. I am still damn busy. But i think i should blog this down.

So omw back home from vox, i was walking home with S and two of his other friends. They were gonna buy beer and my house was along the way haha. So as i was walking home, it was um kinda awkward but i had some thoughts that never occurred to me before.

S's friend told me how he was discriminated -- Let's name him "N". Here's how the story goes. One night, N was eating out with his friend, and he found the hawker centre too noisy and decided to go to a park instead for some peace and quiet time with his friend. Around 20 metres away, they heard this toddler wailing loudly, and the grandma didn't know how to stop him from crying. (So he was kinda pissed because he wanted some quiet time..but anw he didn't complain) For some reason, the grandma then brought the toddler along and walked towards his direction. Holding the toddler's hand, they stopped around 5m in front of N. The grandma said, "Stop crying ah! If not this uncle will catch you!"

Do you find anything wrong with this story? Does it sound familiar?

Let me contextualise it for you:
Now re-read the whole story bearing in mind that N is an Indian. And he didn't have a beard. (wasn't asked by me, but our fellow indian friend -- he asked N if he actually had a beard that time. Lol. I didn't know beards matter that much. ) AND he's a young, educated, nice student around your neighbourhood. (And that the grandma and toddler are Chinese)

So i think they were expecting some kind of reaction from the-only-chinese-girl-in-the group, but the traffic light turned green at the moment so we paused our convo and crossed the road. I didn't know what to say.. so i was just directing them the way lul

We're still on the race topic -- they asked me, "what do you think about indians?"

AWKWARD JELLYFISH BLOOP BLOOP (SLOW REACTION IS SUCH A BIG MINUS TOO)

I really dk what to say sia. Didn't wanna hurt their feelings, cos they seem like really nice people. And i really didn't think they were bad lol. I wasn't having any negative racial stereotypes or anything. It REALLY didn't cross my mind kay.

I was like thinking, I can only say that i have a i) good or ii) bad impression of indians.

ii) If i say that i think indians are "bad"-- cos the first thing that came to my mind was the bus riots in little india -- i would feel really bad.  BECAUSE:

a) isn't true -- we shouldn't generalise this to all indians
b) But sadly i do feel a little more wary and on guard around the indian construction workers
c) BUT i don't feel like i needa put my guard up against S & N & the third indian friend
d) So.. i guess its the profession maybe? AND THAT'S discrimination against indians with diff professions SO ITS STILL DAMN BAD and hence i didn't say anything...let them infer for themselves lol..which i think that they think i prolly have a bad impression of indians. BUT SRSLY NO, mayyybe just some. sigh.

Back to i) If i did say i have a good impression i would probably sound fake. I mean like logically and rationally speaking the chinese majority in S'pore does have some kinda stigma against Indians. And/or malays. ESPECIALLY after the Little India Incident.  You know what i mean. Um if you don't you can refer to my first example ^.

Honestly, It's a mix of both bad and good and i didn't know how i could phrase it in a nice manner at 11pm when my brain's kinda dead..and i didn't wanna offend them lol. I don't like giving negative comments cos i'd feel really bad if i do so. :/ I'm the kind of person who tries to phrase things in the nicest way possible.

Unless you make me really restless. Haha. Anyway -

This brings me to the next point:

N In a joking tone: "Answer our question if not we're gonna follow you up to your house" LOL
"I believe if the three of us follow you up your house, your parents are gonna be unhappy seeing you with 3 indians /think we're gonna kidnap your whole family" (smth along this line, can't exactly rmb)

Then i was like, i don't think you guys will follow me up LOL HAHA
My friend S said, "you dont know my friends-- they will really do that! hahaha" (as in following me up, not the kidnap part -obviously- lol)

The more i didn't know how to answer. Not because i was stunned (i wasn't) that they would really follow me up or whatever, BUT because i remembered that my parents kinda discriminate against Indians (and some china peeps) and it's kinda sad. My dad's working experiences, has reinforced his negative stereotypes against them. Plus the media often reports more negative news of malays/indians/china peeps and that really isn't helping.

I just felt a teeny weeny bit of the pain and anguish of indians that were discriminated in S'pore..
Being in the chinese majority, it's really hard to understand discrimination - unless you've been discriminated. It just saddens me how much discrimination they have to put through.

All these thoughts were running through my mind, and it made me utterly speechless - all i could do was smile - and perhaps heave a sigh of relief and hope that the discrimination is not too serious because they can still afford to joke about it..the whole incident was narrated in a funny, comical manner lol

Moving on:-

 N continued, saying, "Do you have any indian friends?" I'm like um..malay? BAD MISTAKE OMG instantly they were like no, we're not the same la uh!!! (smth along that line) And i felt kinda bad cos yknow, I unconsciously judged them by their colour. I think i've been naturalised to think in such a way OH GAWD.

They asked me what school i was from. I talked about my background--perhaps i didn't know much indians cos they aren't alot (of indians) at christian schools. Now thinking about it, I did have some Indian friends in my christian school but i'm not really close to them.

I probably naturalised and lumped malay and indians together cos i don't interact with both races much.

This is really dangerous, because i believe many others (chinese) think this way as well. AND the most dangerous part is, they think they're right, because it has already been naturalised to them, and its objectified. Fixed definitions in little boxes.

Luckily i have some sociology knowledge to lift me from this 'false consciousness' and deconstruct the 'commonsensical'/naturalised ways of thinking...am still in the process of doing so..

I just feel so shocked at my thoughts. I have been so blind. Sigh.

Well, it was just a short 10 mins walk with these buncha friendly indians, but i really learnt ALOT.

So much so i revived my "dead" blog to post about this LOL (actly cos i couldn't find my notebook/diary.)

I wanted to pen this down and remember it for life.

Haha okay, haven't blogged in a long time cos i was extremely busy. I am still damn busy. But i think i should blog this down.

So omw back home from vox, i was walking home with S and two of his other friends. They were gonna buy beer and my house was along the way haha. So as i was walking home, it was um kinda awkward but i had some thoughts that never occurred to me before.

S's friend told me how he was discriminated -- Let's name him "N". Here's how the story goes. One night, N was eating out with his friend, and he found the hawker centre too noisy and decided to go to a park instead for some peace and quiet time with his friend. Around 20 metres away, they heard this toddler wailing loudly, and the grandma didn't know how to stop him from crying. (So he was kinda pissed because he wanted some quiet time..but anw he didn't complain) For some reason, the grandma then brought the toddler along and walked towards his direction. Holding the toddler's hand, they stopped around 5m in front of N. The grandma said, "Stop crying ah! If not this uncle will catch you!"

Do you find anything wrong with this story? Does it sound familiar?

Let me contextualise it for you:
Now re-read the whole story bearing in mind that N is an Indian. And he didn't have a beard. (wasn't asked by me, but our fellow indian friend -- he asked N if he actually had a beard that time. Lol. I didn't know beards matter that much. ) AND he's a young, educated, nice student around your neighbourhood. (And that the grandma and toddler are Chinese)

So i think they were expecting some kind of reaction from the-only-chinese-girl-in-the group, but the traffic light turned green at the moment so we paused our convo and crossed the road. I didn't know what to say.. so i was just directing them the way lul

We're still on the race topic -- they asked me, "what do you think about indians?"

AWKWARD JELLYFISH BLOOP BLOOP (SLOW REACTION IS SUCH A BIG MINUS TOO)

I really dk what to say sia. Didn't wanna hurt their feelings, cos they seem like really nice people. And i really didn't think they were bad lol. I wasn't having any negative racial stereotypes or anything. It REALLY didn't cross my mind kay.

I was like thinking, I can only say that i have a i) good or ii) bad impression of indians.

ii) If i say that i think indians are "bad"-- cos the first thing that came to my mind was the bus riots in little india -- i would feel really bad.  BECAUSE:

a) isn't true -- we shouldn't generalise this to all indians
b) But sadly i do feel a little more wary and on guard around the indian construction workers
c) BUT i don't feel like i needa put my guard up against S & N & the third indian friend
d) So.. i guess its the profession maybe? AND THAT'S discrimination against indians with diff professions SO ITS STILL DAMN BAD and hence i didn't say anything...let them infer for themselves lol..which i think that they think i prolly have a bad impression of indians. BUT SRSLY NO, mayyybe just some. sigh.

Back to i) If i did say i have a good impression i would probably sound fake. I mean like logically and rationally speaking the chinese majority in S'pore does have some kinda stigma against Indians. And/or malays. ESPECIALLY after the Little India Incident.  You know what i mean. Um if you don't you can refer to my first example ^.

Honestly, It's a mix of both bad and good and i didn't know how i could phrase it in a nice manner at 11pm when my brain's kinda dead..and i didn't wanna offend them lol. I don't like giving negative comments cos i'd feel really bad if i do so. :/ I'm the kind of person who tries to phrase things in the nicest way possible.

Unless you make me really restless. Haha. Anyway -

This brings me to the next point:

N In a joking tone: "Answer our question if not we're gonna follow you up to your house" LOL
"I believe if the three of us follow you up your house, your parents are gonna be unhappy seeing you with 3 indians /think we're gonna kidnap your whole family" (smth along this line, can't exactly rmb)

Then i was like, i don't think you guys will follow me up LOL HAHA
My friend S said, "you dont know my friends-- they will really do that! hahaha" (as in following me up, not the kidnap part -obviously- lol)

The more i didn't know how to answer. Not because i was stunned (i wasn't) that they would really follow me up or whatever, BUT because i remembered that my parents kinda discriminate against Indians (and some china peeps) and it's kinda sad. My dad's working experiences, has reinforced his negative stereotypes against them. Plus the media often reports more negative news of malays/indians/china peeps and that really isn't helping.

I just felt a teeny weeny bit of the pain and anguish of indians that were discriminated in S'pore..
Being in the chinese majority, it's really hard to understand discrimination - unless you've been discriminated. It just saddens me how much discrimination they have to put through.

All these thoughts were running through my mind, and it made me utterly speechless - all i could do was smile - and perhaps heave a sigh of relief and hope that the discrimination is not too serious because they can still afford to joke about it..the whole incident was narrated in a funny, comical manner lol

Moving on:-

 N continued, saying, "Do you have any indian friends?" I'm like um..malay? BAD MISTAKE OMG instantly they were like no, we're not the same la uh!!! (smth along that line) And i felt kinda bad cos yknow, I unconsciously judged them by their colour. I think i've been naturalised to think in such a way OH GAWD.

They asked me what school i was from. I talked about my background--perhaps i didn't know much indians cos they aren't alot (of indians) at christian schools. Now thinking about it, I did have some Indian friends in my christian school but i'm not really close to them.

I probably naturalised and lumped malay and indians together cos i don't interact with both races much.

This is really dangerous, because i believe many others (chinese) think this way as well. AND the most dangerous part is, they think they're right, because it has already been naturalised to them, and its objectified. Fixed definitions in little boxes.

Luckily i have some sociology knowledge to lift me from this 'false consciousness' and deconstruct the 'commonsensical'/naturalised ways of thinking...am still in the process of doing so..

I just feel so shocked at my thoughts. I have been so blind. Sigh.

Well, it was just a short 10 mins walk with these buncha friendly indians, but i really learnt ALOT.

So much so i revived my "dead" blog to post about this LOL (actly cos i couldn't find my notebook/diary.)

I wanted to pen this down and remember it for life.

Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me, what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone who is life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts or at least we are getting there.

links exchanged opened! just tag me but link me first

coming soon....