Hey there! I just changed my blogskin :) It's a little user-unfriendly because you can't navigate my past posts by headings or hashtags. So i'm gonna update the codings, stay tuned! (The font's kinda hard to read too..other than these 3 peeves, i'm quite satisfied) Follow me on the links below! :) 29/4/2015.
Started this blog during the last few weeks of SEM1(AY2014/15) cos' i regained interest in blogging. I blog about anything - news, social issues, music - but mostly about my university life :) Hope my posts will help you to make better life (and module) choices! Currently a Sociology Major. Still fresh. xD
If I were to
sum up my third year in Uni so far (which is technically, just 2 months LOL) ,
it would be uncertainty. I used to really dislike uncertainty. The nagging sense of insecurity. I tend to worry about
what’s gonna happen. And well I happen to be a pretty impatient person (working
on it), and I like to get things done, fast. I want to reduce uncertainties, to
the extent which I might have been too absorbed in doing so. But it isn’t
something I can achieve by myself. I don’t always get the results I want.
That’s life, isn’t it?
Life’s a
journey full of many uncertainties, risks, sacrifices. We need to make
decisions everyday. And it just came to a point for me where I don’t know where
I’m headed. I didn’t know what kind of decision I should make. It’s like the
uni life crisis when you become jaded (like omggahhh imma senior now), and you
don’t know what to do with your life. Maybe cos I was too attached to certain
things that I wasn’t too ready to let go off.
Anyway, nowadays,
I think I’ve become to come to terms with it, and learning to live with
uncertainties.
Today I went
for a jog around my neigbourhood. It was in the evening, around 6pm. As I ran,
many thoughts came into my head. (Warning, incoherent thoughts!)
-
I thought about
my life as an Arts Student. (well my aunt came to visit today, my mum was
telling her about what I’m studying… and yea well, actually I think my parents
also don’t know what I’m studying LOL) I concluded that the beauty of social
sciences lies in being able to be critical in the world we live in. We can all
look at the same social phenomenon, object, but we strive to think deeper –
constantly questioning about social forces that shape things the way they are
now. Interwined with culture, practices, experiences, institutions. But the
root of why we question at all, is because we want to try to understand,
without assuming. Thus, I feel that at the core of Sociology, is empathy. (I’ve
gotten this idea from somewhere years ago, and it reasonates with me till now.)
-
I thought about
how my neighbourhood was built, how communities are maintained. How the paths
I’m running on, the buildings I’m looking at – all serve a social purpose. We
often take this accessibility for granted. I look up at the homes, thinking
about how everyone was as self-absorbed as I was, living their own lives in
their own humble enclave. There was something cold about my neighbourhood. I
wondered a little about the stories behind each door. Somehow that thought
struck me when I ran past the rental flats. Maybe I should do something?
-
I thought about
volunteering, about SOCIP and my OCIP. Volunteering was my Year 2 goal in
university. Taking up OCIP wasn’t easy for me, because of social pressure and
self-expectations. Nevertheless, one of the best decisions I’ve made. Because I
found out more about myself and what I like to do. And the experience there
helped me a lot in structuring SOCIP. Without my OCIP I think I’d feel pretty
lost. The word ‘volunteering’ is very much loaded with complicated meanings.
Hmm, what does
Volunteering mean to me? I just feel like helping people, and I want to know
more about people who live outside my circle. I don’t have causes I
particularly feel for, because I think they are all pretty important. I feel
that I have the capacity to help, so why not? Their smiles and “thank yous”
brighten up my day, it makes me believe that what I’m doing does help them a
little.
There’s one
thing I’m most worried when I help people. Am I really helping? Because
sometimes you don’t know if you’re blinded by certain misconceptions, or just
forcing your way in to help cos you feel like helping, and you might just
unintentionally impose yourself on other people. I’m extremely cautious of that
and it worries me, I question myself alot if I’m actually helping, or am I
doing something that’s just “feeding my ego”. How did I address this worry? I
think the core of it is building relationships. In trying to know a person. Establishing
a sincere, trusting relationship where both of us feel safe to share and help
one another. So you believe in them, and through that you believe in yourself.
And eye smiles don’t lie hahaha. ;)
Sometimes it
isn’t easy to give. And you might even be surprised - that it’s even harder to
receive. There was once I didn’t know what to feel when I received a “thank
you” from the ED of BSS (Beyond Social Services, and organisation which helps
children and families living in rental households). It was more like, I felt
like I’m not deserving enough? I don’t know. I could accept it easier when it
came from the kids and the parents. Idk, like it felt awkward to be appreciated
too (?). That’s what I meant by sometimes, its also hard to receive. But my
case is just a small thing. I think about what parents may think..i think about
what are their perceptions towards us. I mean, our presence does kind of affirm
their status, that they need help. Cos it’s not “normal” to have a social
worker, or a volunteer in your life :/ So how diginified do they feel to
receive our help? I don’t know la, but that doesn’t mean we should stop helping
anyway. And that comes back to the point in building relationships, listening
to them, and hopefully enabling people to reach their fullest potential :)
-
I thought about
my religion, how I’ve been avoiding church pretty much cos.. Sociology kinda
made me a little cynical about religion haha. (oh yes, I stopped by the church
near my house in my jog) Everyone has their own personal motivation of going to
church, bad or good – I’m not the judge. (thought I used to judge a lot. hehe) I’m
a cradle catholic who went through confirmation without really knowing what I
was getting into. For the past few years I’ve always felt like I should be a Catholic, because that’s
what my parents want. But yea they can’t force me to do the things I don’t
wanna do and I eventually stopped going to church. But cognitive dissonance
still kicks in pretty strong haha. It’s reinforced when I fill in my religion
in the forms. Cos I can’t possible fill in free thinker right..later my parents
tio shock (but I think they will expect that la) And it’s also cos I’m used to
filling the blank as “Roman Catholic”. As I distance myself away from church,
these words start to lose meaning. Church was a part of me, and a part of my
moral compass.
I’ve come to
terms with it (better than before), at least it doesn’t feel so dissonant so
step into church now. Haha I’m still thinking about my religion. But anyway,
not my priority now.
-
I thought about
times when I walked past NUS High School of Math and Sciencewhen I was a kiddo (yesh it’s just beside the
church) and I’d be like, the people here must be hella smart. Then opposite the
street was Nan Hua High School, which I missed by a few points, but it’s a
blessing in disguise la cos I like Fairfield a lot :3 Yep so when I was a kiddo
going to church everyday Sunday, I’d be walking across the street and looking
at schools thinking how smart these kids are, must be doing damn well in
studies but imma just an average kid haha all the inferiority complex shit.
Now as I look
at the NUS High Competition posters hung at the gates, I remembered how much
value and self-worth that grade was for me, for students today too. How much
stress we impose on ourselves to keep ourselves at the top of the class. (or
just, avoid being at the bottom of the class) And if you didn’t score as well
as you expected you’d plunge into despaiirrrr. Dear kiddos, you are worth much
more than numbers you had for your PSLE score, wdv O’s A’s IB/IP, and CAP. It’s
kinda sad we attach so much self-worth to it because life is really much more
than just CAP. University helped me understand that abit better. But still, we
are going to be stuck in this structure for quite some time, by the insitutions
that reduces individuals as numbers. And the way we move up is to live by the
system. I guess its slowly changing. I hopeee. Haha, what advice would you give
to your younger self?
-
I thought about
where my old flat used to be – now that’s its been demolished, I found
difficulty in locating where it was. Then it struck me how important the visual
triggers my memories. Physical spaces are always more than what they seem..we
have to look at the social practices that happen within them to find out what’s
meaningful.
-
And I’m back
home, to the coffeeshop and the sheng shiong which satisfies my snack cravings.
The familiar clinks of coffee cups, beer bottles, occasional chatter with the
TV playing Channel 8 drama serials in the background, whiffs of zi char..
Here I am..in
my third year of university.
Still a little
lost, but I know I’m heading towards the right direction. J
Imma go sleep
lers zzz yas I finished typing this! XD
If I were to
sum up my third year in Uni so far (which is technically, just 2 months LOL) ,
it would be uncertainty. I used to really dislike uncertainty. The nagging sense of insecurity. I tend to worry about
what’s gonna happen. And well I happen to be a pretty impatient person (working
on it), and I like to get things done, fast. I want to reduce uncertainties, to
the extent which I might have been too absorbed in doing so. But it isn’t
something I can achieve by myself. I don’t always get the results I want.
That’s life, isn’t it?
Life’s a
journey full of many uncertainties, risks, sacrifices. We need to make
decisions everyday. And it just came to a point for me where I don’t know where
I’m headed. I didn’t know what kind of decision I should make. It’s like the
uni life crisis when you become jaded (like omggahhh imma senior now), and you
don’t know what to do with your life. Maybe cos I was too attached to certain
things that I wasn’t too ready to let go off.
Anyway, nowadays,
I think I’ve become to come to terms with it, and learning to live with
uncertainties.
Today I went
for a jog around my neigbourhood. It was in the evening, around 6pm. As I ran,
many thoughts came into my head. (Warning, incoherent thoughts!)
-
I thought about
my life as an Arts Student. (well my aunt came to visit today, my mum was
telling her about what I’m studying… and yea well, actually I think my parents
also don’t know what I’m studying LOL) I concluded that the beauty of social
sciences lies in being able to be critical in the world we live in. We can all
look at the same social phenomenon, object, but we strive to think deeper –
constantly questioning about social forces that shape things the way they are
now. Interwined with culture, practices, experiences, institutions. But the
root of why we question at all, is because we want to try to understand,
without assuming. Thus, I feel that at the core of Sociology, is empathy. (I’ve
gotten this idea from somewhere years ago, and it reasonates with me till now.)
-
I thought about
how my neighbourhood was built, how communities are maintained. How the paths
I’m running on, the buildings I’m looking at – all serve a social purpose. We
often take this accessibility for granted. I look up at the homes, thinking
about how everyone was as self-absorbed as I was, living their own lives in
their own humble enclave. There was something cold about my neighbourhood. I
wondered a little about the stories behind each door. Somehow that thought
struck me when I ran past the rental flats. Maybe I should do something?
-
I thought about
volunteering, about SOCIP and my OCIP. Volunteering was my Year 2 goal in
university. Taking up OCIP wasn’t easy for me, because of social pressure and
self-expectations. Nevertheless, one of the best decisions I’ve made. Because I
found out more about myself and what I like to do. And the experience there
helped me a lot in structuring SOCIP. Without my OCIP I think I’d feel pretty
lost. The word ‘volunteering’ is very much loaded with complicated meanings.
Hmm, what does
Volunteering mean to me? I just feel like helping people, and I want to know
more about people who live outside my circle. I don’t have causes I
particularly feel for, because I think they are all pretty important. I feel
that I have the capacity to help, so why not? Their smiles and “thank yous”
brighten up my day, it makes me believe that what I’m doing does help them a
little.
There’s one
thing I’m most worried when I help people. Am I really helping? Because
sometimes you don’t know if you’re blinded by certain misconceptions, or just
forcing your way in to help cos you feel like helping, and you might just
unintentionally impose yourself on other people. I’m extremely cautious of that
and it worries me, I question myself alot if I’m actually helping, or am I
doing something that’s just “feeding my ego”. How did I address this worry? I
think the core of it is building relationships. In trying to know a person. Establishing
a sincere, trusting relationship where both of us feel safe to share and help
one another. So you believe in them, and through that you believe in yourself.
And eye smiles don’t lie hahaha. ;)
Sometimes it
isn’t easy to give. And you might even be surprised - that it’s even harder to
receive. There was once I didn’t know what to feel when I received a “thank
you” from the ED of BSS (Beyond Social Services, and organisation which helps
children and families living in rental households). It was more like, I felt
like I’m not deserving enough? I don’t know. I could accept it easier when it
came from the kids and the parents. Idk, like it felt awkward to be appreciated
too (?). That’s what I meant by sometimes, its also hard to receive. But my
case is just a small thing. I think about what parents may think..i think about
what are their perceptions towards us. I mean, our presence does kind of affirm
their status, that they need help. Cos it’s not “normal” to have a social
worker, or a volunteer in your life :/ So how diginified do they feel to
receive our help? I don’t know la, but that doesn’t mean we should stop helping
anyway. And that comes back to the point in building relationships, listening
to them, and hopefully enabling people to reach their fullest potential :)
-
I thought about
my religion, how I’ve been avoiding church pretty much cos.. Sociology kinda
made me a little cynical about religion haha. (oh yes, I stopped by the church
near my house in my jog) Everyone has their own personal motivation of going to
church, bad or good – I’m not the judge. (thought I used to judge a lot. hehe) I’m
a cradle catholic who went through confirmation without really knowing what I
was getting into. For the past few years I’ve always felt like I should be a Catholic, because that’s
what my parents want. But yea they can’t force me to do the things I don’t
wanna do and I eventually stopped going to church. But cognitive dissonance
still kicks in pretty strong haha. It’s reinforced when I fill in my religion
in the forms. Cos I can’t possible fill in free thinker right..later my parents
tio shock (but I think they will expect that la) And it’s also cos I’m used to
filling the blank as “Roman Catholic”. As I distance myself away from church,
these words start to lose meaning. Church was a part of me, and a part of my
moral compass.
I’ve come to
terms with it (better than before), at least it doesn’t feel so dissonant so
step into church now. Haha I’m still thinking about my religion. But anyway,
not my priority now.
-
I thought about
times when I walked past NUS High School of Math and Sciencewhen I was a kiddo (yesh it’s just beside the
church) and I’d be like, the people here must be hella smart. Then opposite the
street was Nan Hua High School, which I missed by a few points, but it’s a
blessing in disguise la cos I like Fairfield a lot :3 Yep so when I was a kiddo
going to church everyday Sunday, I’d be walking across the street and looking
at schools thinking how smart these kids are, must be doing damn well in
studies but imma just an average kid haha all the inferiority complex shit.
Now as I look
at the NUS High Competition posters hung at the gates, I remembered how much
value and self-worth that grade was for me, for students today too. How much
stress we impose on ourselves to keep ourselves at the top of the class. (or
just, avoid being at the bottom of the class) And if you didn’t score as well
as you expected you’d plunge into despaiirrrr. Dear kiddos, you are worth much
more than numbers you had for your PSLE score, wdv O’s A’s IB/IP, and CAP. It’s
kinda sad we attach so much self-worth to it because life is really much more
than just CAP. University helped me understand that abit better. But still, we
are going to be stuck in this structure for quite some time, by the insitutions
that reduces individuals as numbers. And the way we move up is to live by the
system. I guess its slowly changing. I hopeee. Haha, what advice would you give
to your younger self?
-
I thought about
where my old flat used to be – now that’s its been demolished, I found
difficulty in locating where it was. Then it struck me how important the visual
triggers my memories. Physical spaces are always more than what they seem..we
have to look at the social practices that happen within them to find out what’s
meaningful.
-
And I’m back
home, to the coffeeshop and the sheng shiong which satisfies my snack cravings.
The familiar clinks of coffee cups, beer bottles, occasional chatter with the
TV playing Channel 8 drama serials in the background, whiffs of zi char..
Here I am..in
my third year of university.
Still a little
lost, but I know I’m heading towards the right direction. J
Imma go sleep
lers zzz yas I finished typing this! XD
“To put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.”
- James Allen Quotes
Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me,
what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered
because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that
I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone
who is life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts
or at least we are getting there.
my projects
links exchanged opened! just tag me but link me first
: Amelia Lim, 20 October.