Hey there! I just changed my blogskin :) It's a little user-unfriendly because you can't navigate my past posts by headings or hashtags. So i'm gonna update the codings, stay tuned! (The font's kinda hard to read too..other than these 3 peeves, i'm quite satisfied) Follow me on the links below! :) 29/4/2015.
Started this blog during the last few weeks of SEM1(AY2014/15) cos' i regained interest in blogging. I blog about anything - news, social issues, music - but mostly about my university life :) Hope my posts will help you to make better life (and module) choices! Currently a Sociology Major. Still fresh. xD
If I were
to sum up my third year in Uni so far (which is technically, just 2 months LOL)
, it would be uncertainty. I used to really dislike uncertainty. I think
i still do. The nagging sense of insecurity. I tend to worry about what’s gonna
happen. And well I happen to be a pretty impatient person (working on it), and
I like to get things done, fast. I want to reduce uncertainties, to the extent
which I might have been too absorbed in doing so. But it isn’t something I can
achieve by myself. And I don’t always get the results I want. That’s life, isn’t
it?
Life’s a
journey full of many uncertainties, risks, sacrifices. We need to make
decisions everyday. And it just came to a point for me where I don’t know where
I’m headed. I didn’t know what kind of decision I should make. It’s like the
uni life crisis when you become jaded (like omggahhh imma year 3 now, half of
my uni life is over alrdy), and you don’t know what to do with your life.
Probably cos I was too attached to certain things that I wasn’t too ready to
let go of. Anyway, nowadays, I think I’ve become to come to terms with it, and
learning to live with uncertainties.
Today I
went for a jog around my neigbourhood. It was in the evening, around 6pm. As I
ran, many thoughts came into my head. (Warning: incoherent thoughts ahead!)
-
I thought
about my life as an Arts Student. (well my aunt came to visit today, my mum was
telling her about what I’m studying… and yea well, actually I think my parents
also don’t know what I’m studying LOL) I concluded (to myself) that the beauty
of social sciences lies in being able to be critical in the world we live in.
We can all look at the same social phenomenon, object, but we strive to think
deeper – constantly questioning about social forces that shape things the way
they are now, intertwined with culture, practices, emotions, experiences,
institutions. But the root of why we question at all, is because we want to try
to understand, without assuming. (though we do end up with even more questions
and feel more lost in the process) Thus, I feel that at the core of Sociology,
is empathy. (I’ve gotten this idea from somewhere years ago, and it resonates
with me till now.)
-
I thought
about how my neighbourhood was built, how communities are maintained. How the
paths I’m running on, the buildings I’m looking at – all serve a social
purpose. We often take this accessibility for granted. I look up at the homes,
thinking about how everyone was as self-absorbed as I was, living their own
lives in their own humble enclave. There was something cold about my neighbourhood.
I wondered a little about the stories behind each door. Somehow that thought
struck me when I ran past the rental flats. Maybe I should do something?
-
I thought
about volunteering, about SOCIP and my OCIP. Volunteering was my Year 2 goal in
university. Taking up OCIP wasn’t easy for me, because of social pressure and
self-expectations. Nevertheless, one of the best decisions I’ve made. Because I
found out more about myself and what I like to do. And the experience there
helped me a lot in structuring SOCIP. Without my OCIP I think I’d feel pretty
lost. The word ‘volunteering’ is very much loaded with complicated meanings.
Hmm, what does Volunteering mean to me? I just feel like helping people, and I
want to know more about people who live outside my circle. I don’t have causes
I particularly feel for, because I think they are all pretty important. I feel
that I have the capacity to help, so why not? Their smiles and “thank yous”
brighten up my day, it makes me believe that what I’m doing does help them a
little.
There’s
one thing I’m most worried when I help people. Am I really helping? Because
sometimes you don’t know if you’re blinded by certain misconceptions, or just
forcing your way in to help cos you feel like helping, and you might just
unintentionally impose yourself on other people. I’m extremely cautious of that
and it worries me, I question myself alot if I’m actually helping, or am I
doing something that’s just “feeding my ego”. How did I address this worry? I
think the core of it is building relationships. In trying to know a person.
Establishing a sincere, trusting relationship where both of us feel safe to
share and help one another. So you believe in them, and through that you
believe in yourself. And eye smiles don’t lie hahaha. ;)
Sometimes
it isn’t easy to give. And you might even be surprised - that it’s even harder
to receive. There was once I didn’t know what to feel when I received a “thank
you” from the ED of BSS (Beyond Social Services, and organisation which helps
children and families living in rental households). It was more like, I felt
like I’m not deserving enough? I don’t know. I could accept it easier when it
came from the kids and the parents. Idk, like it felt awkward to be appreciated
too (?). That’s what I meant by sometimes, its also hard to receive. But my
case is just a small thing. I think about what parents may think..i think about
what are their perceptions towards us. I mean, our presence does kind of affirm
their status, that they need help. Cos it’s not “normal” to have a social
worker, or a volunteer in your life :/ So how dignified do they feel to receive
our help? I don’t know la, but that doesn’t mean we should stop helping anyway.
(Sometimes we overthink and create our own roadblocks la.) And that comes back
to the point in building relationships, listening to them, and hopefully
enabling people to reach their fullest potential :)
-
I thought
about my religion, how I’ve been avoiding church pretty much cos.. Sociology
kinda made me a little cynical about religion haha. (oh yes, I stopped by the
church near my house in my jog) Everyone has their own personal motivation of
going to church, bad or good – I’m not the judge. (thought I used to judge a
lot. hehe) I’m a cradle catholic who went through confirmation without really
knowing what I was getting into. For the past few years I’ve always felt like I
should be a Catholic, because that’s what my parents want. But yea they
can’t force me to do the things I don’t wanna do and I eventually stopped going
to church. But cognitive dissonance still kicks in pretty strong haha. It’s
reinforced when I fill in my religion in the forms. Cos I can’t possible fill
in free thinker right..later my parents tio shock (but I think they will expect
that la) And it’s also cos I’m used to filling the blank as “Roman Catholic”.
As I distance myself away from church, these words start to lose meaning.
Church was a part of me, and a part of my moral compass.
I’ve come
to terms with it (better than before), at least it doesn’t feel so dissonant so
step into church now. Haha I’m still thinking about my religion. But anyway,
not really my priority now.
-
I thought
about times when I walked past NUS High School of Math and Science when I was a
kiddo (yesh it’s just beside the church) and I’d be like, the people here must
be hella smart. Then opposite the street was Nan Hua High School, which I
missed by a few points, but it’s a blessing in disguise la cos I like Fairfield
a lot :3 Yep so when I was a kiddo going to church everyday Sunday, I’d be
walking across the street and looking at schools thinking how smart these kids
are, must be doing damn well in studies but imma just an average kid haha all
the inferiority complex shit. Now as I look at the NUS High Competition posters
hung at the gates, I remembered how much value and self-worth that grade was
for me, for students today too. How much stress we impose on ourselves to keep
ourselves at the top of the class. (or just, avoid being at the bottom of the
class) And if you didn’t score as well as you expected you’d plunge into
despaiirrrr. Dear kiddos, you are worth much more than numbers you had for your
PSLE score, wdv O’s A’s IB/IP/DIP, and CAP. It’s kinda sad we attach so much
self-worth to it because life is really much more than just CAP. University
helped me understand that abit better. But still, we are going to be stuck in
this structure for quite some time, by the institutions that reduces
individuals as numbers. And the way we move up is to live by the system. I
guess its slowly changing. I hopeee. Haha, what advice would you give to your
younger self?
-
I thought
about where my old flat used to be – now that’s its been demolished, I found
difficulty in locating where it was. Then it struck me how important the visual
triggers my memories. Physical spaces are always more than what they seem..we
have to look at the social practices that happen within them to find out what’s
meaningful.
-
And I’m
back home, to the coffeeshop and the sheng shiong which satisfies my snack cravings.
The familiar clinks of coffee cups, beer bottles, occasional chatter with the
TV playing Channel 8 drama serials in the background, whiffs of zi char..
Here I
am..in my third year of university.
Still a
little lost, and figuring things out, but slowly getting there.
Imma go
sleep lers zzz yas I finished typing this! XD
If I were
to sum up my third year in Uni so far (which is technically, just 2 months LOL)
, it would be uncertainty. I used to really dislike uncertainty. I think
i still do. The nagging sense of insecurity. I tend to worry about what’s gonna
happen. And well I happen to be a pretty impatient person (working on it), and
I like to get things done, fast. I want to reduce uncertainties, to the extent
which I might have been too absorbed in doing so. But it isn’t something I can
achieve by myself. And I don’t always get the results I want. That’s life, isn’t
it?
Life’s a
journey full of many uncertainties, risks, sacrifices. We need to make
decisions everyday. And it just came to a point for me where I don’t know where
I’m headed. I didn’t know what kind of decision I should make. It’s like the
uni life crisis when you become jaded (like omggahhh imma year 3 now, half of
my uni life is over alrdy), and you don’t know what to do with your life.
Probably cos I was too attached to certain things that I wasn’t too ready to
let go of. Anyway, nowadays, I think I’ve become to come to terms with it, and
learning to live with uncertainties.
Today I
went for a jog around my neigbourhood. It was in the evening, around 6pm. As I
ran, many thoughts came into my head. (Warning: incoherent thoughts ahead!)
-
I thought
about my life as an Arts Student. (well my aunt came to visit today, my mum was
telling her about what I’m studying… and yea well, actually I think my parents
also don’t know what I’m studying LOL) I concluded (to myself) that the beauty
of social sciences lies in being able to be critical in the world we live in.
We can all look at the same social phenomenon, object, but we strive to think
deeper – constantly questioning about social forces that shape things the way
they are now, intertwined with culture, practices, emotions, experiences,
institutions. But the root of why we question at all, is because we want to try
to understand, without assuming. (though we do end up with even more questions
and feel more lost in the process) Thus, I feel that at the core of Sociology,
is empathy. (I’ve gotten this idea from somewhere years ago, and it resonates
with me till now.)
-
I thought
about how my neighbourhood was built, how communities are maintained. How the
paths I’m running on, the buildings I’m looking at – all serve a social
purpose. We often take this accessibility for granted. I look up at the homes,
thinking about how everyone was as self-absorbed as I was, living their own
lives in their own humble enclave. There was something cold about my neighbourhood.
I wondered a little about the stories behind each door. Somehow that thought
struck me when I ran past the rental flats. Maybe I should do something?
-
I thought
about volunteering, about SOCIP and my OCIP. Volunteering was my Year 2 goal in
university. Taking up OCIP wasn’t easy for me, because of social pressure and
self-expectations. Nevertheless, one of the best decisions I’ve made. Because I
found out more about myself and what I like to do. And the experience there
helped me a lot in structuring SOCIP. Without my OCIP I think I’d feel pretty
lost. The word ‘volunteering’ is very much loaded with complicated meanings.
Hmm, what does Volunteering mean to me? I just feel like helping people, and I
want to know more about people who live outside my circle. I don’t have causes
I particularly feel for, because I think they are all pretty important. I feel
that I have the capacity to help, so why not? Their smiles and “thank yous”
brighten up my day, it makes me believe that what I’m doing does help them a
little.
There’s
one thing I’m most worried when I help people. Am I really helping? Because
sometimes you don’t know if you’re blinded by certain misconceptions, or just
forcing your way in to help cos you feel like helping, and you might just
unintentionally impose yourself on other people. I’m extremely cautious of that
and it worries me, I question myself alot if I’m actually helping, or am I
doing something that’s just “feeding my ego”. How did I address this worry? I
think the core of it is building relationships. In trying to know a person.
Establishing a sincere, trusting relationship where both of us feel safe to
share and help one another. So you believe in them, and through that you
believe in yourself. And eye smiles don’t lie hahaha. ;)
Sometimes
it isn’t easy to give. And you might even be surprised - that it’s even harder
to receive. There was once I didn’t know what to feel when I received a “thank
you” from the ED of BSS (Beyond Social Services, and organisation which helps
children and families living in rental households). It was more like, I felt
like I’m not deserving enough? I don’t know. I could accept it easier when it
came from the kids and the parents. Idk, like it felt awkward to be appreciated
too (?). That’s what I meant by sometimes, its also hard to receive. But my
case is just a small thing. I think about what parents may think..i think about
what are their perceptions towards us. I mean, our presence does kind of affirm
their status, that they need help. Cos it’s not “normal” to have a social
worker, or a volunteer in your life :/ So how dignified do they feel to receive
our help? I don’t know la, but that doesn’t mean we should stop helping anyway.
(Sometimes we overthink and create our own roadblocks la.) And that comes back
to the point in building relationships, listening to them, and hopefully
enabling people to reach their fullest potential :)
-
I thought
about my religion, how I’ve been avoiding church pretty much cos.. Sociology
kinda made me a little cynical about religion haha. (oh yes, I stopped by the
church near my house in my jog) Everyone has their own personal motivation of
going to church, bad or good – I’m not the judge. (thought I used to judge a
lot. hehe) I’m a cradle catholic who went through confirmation without really
knowing what I was getting into. For the past few years I’ve always felt like I
should be a Catholic, because that’s what my parents want. But yea they
can’t force me to do the things I don’t wanna do and I eventually stopped going
to church. But cognitive dissonance still kicks in pretty strong haha. It’s
reinforced when I fill in my religion in the forms. Cos I can’t possible fill
in free thinker right..later my parents tio shock (but I think they will expect
that la) And it’s also cos I’m used to filling the blank as “Roman Catholic”.
As I distance myself away from church, these words start to lose meaning.
Church was a part of me, and a part of my moral compass.
I’ve come
to terms with it (better than before), at least it doesn’t feel so dissonant so
step into church now. Haha I’m still thinking about my religion. But anyway,
not really my priority now.
-
I thought
about times when I walked past NUS High School of Math and Science when I was a
kiddo (yesh it’s just beside the church) and I’d be like, the people here must
be hella smart. Then opposite the street was Nan Hua High School, which I
missed by a few points, but it’s a blessing in disguise la cos I like Fairfield
a lot :3 Yep so when I was a kiddo going to church everyday Sunday, I’d be
walking across the street and looking at schools thinking how smart these kids
are, must be doing damn well in studies but imma just an average kid haha all
the inferiority complex shit. Now as I look at the NUS High Competition posters
hung at the gates, I remembered how much value and self-worth that grade was
for me, for students today too. How much stress we impose on ourselves to keep
ourselves at the top of the class. (or just, avoid being at the bottom of the
class) And if you didn’t score as well as you expected you’d plunge into
despaiirrrr. Dear kiddos, you are worth much more than numbers you had for your
PSLE score, wdv O’s A’s IB/IP/DIP, and CAP. It’s kinda sad we attach so much
self-worth to it because life is really much more than just CAP. University
helped me understand that abit better. But still, we are going to be stuck in
this structure for quite some time, by the institutions that reduces
individuals as numbers. And the way we move up is to live by the system. I
guess its slowly changing. I hopeee. Haha, what advice would you give to your
younger self?
-
I thought
about where my old flat used to be – now that’s its been demolished, I found
difficulty in locating where it was. Then it struck me how important the visual
triggers my memories. Physical spaces are always more than what they seem..we
have to look at the social practices that happen within them to find out what’s
meaningful.
-
And I’m
back home, to the coffeeshop and the sheng shiong which satisfies my snack cravings.
The familiar clinks of coffee cups, beer bottles, occasional chatter with the
TV playing Channel 8 drama serials in the background, whiffs of zi char..
Here I
am..in my third year of university.
Still a
little lost, and figuring things out, but slowly getting there.
Imma go
sleep lers zzz yas I finished typing this! XD
“To put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.”
- James Allen Quotes
Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me,
what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered
because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that
I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone
who is life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts
or at least we are getting there.
my projects
links exchanged opened! just tag me but link me first
: Amelia Lim, 20 October.